Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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