I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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