i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
