I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
