i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
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You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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