Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
