I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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