Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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