Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
