Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
