Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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