u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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