It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
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