your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
