last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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