as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
