Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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