Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
