As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
