My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize
