I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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