I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
