Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
