Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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