operation harelip BJ is a go
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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