You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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