i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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