sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
