i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
