There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
