she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
