Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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