During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
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The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
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Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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