How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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