my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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