i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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