At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
