Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
