Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
