Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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