it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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