Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
