Heybabeimwearingurpanties
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
