I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
