If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
