I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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