You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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