Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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