Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
