I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
