Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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