if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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