look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize