I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
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I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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