i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
