Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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