like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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