i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
